Tuesday 21 October 2014

Some Thoughts on Dipawali

The happiest memories of my life are connected with the festival of Dipawali even though I hate the deafening noise and air pollution that comes from Diwali crackers.

Ever since I came of age, Diwali was never an occasion for partying. It meant putting aside everything and everyone else to be with my parents for the evening puja and join my mother in singing the aarti. Even today, the sound of my mother's simple rendering of the aarti is for me the most melodious and divine sound in the entire world. After the puja when my mother would distribute gifts to all of us, in my eyes she looked like Lakshmi incarnate.

Ever since my mother left this world, Diwali is not a festival I can "celebrate" but I make sure to perform the evening puja as a ritual to keep alive and cherish her memory.

Right from my childhood whenever I sat down for Diwali puja, a question that invariably nagged me has come to bother me even more today: Why is it that Diwali puja involves worshiping Lakshmi only in her avatar as the goddess of wealth? How come she has become the most popular pan Indian goddess? As per tradition, even on Diwali, along with Vighnaharta (obstacle remover) Ganesh, Mahalakshmi is supposed to be worshiped in her three avatars-Lakshmi, the goddess of prosperity, Mahakali, the goddess of infinite energy representing the Primeval Force of the Universe as well as destroyer of evil and Mahasaraswati, the goddess of wisdom, knowledge, beauty, purity and arts. The puja is supposed to include worship of books as symbols of the goddess of wisdom and knowledge.

But at least in North India, most families confine their worship to propitiating the goddess of wealth alone. The place of knowledge-giving books has been monopolized by bahikhatas or account books. Those who have moved beyond the stage of old style manually bahikhatasplace cheque books and passbooks at the feet of the goddess in the hope of being blessed with fatter bank balances.

During Navaratras, the popularity of Durga Puja matches the fanfare of Lakshmi Puja. But the goddess of wisdom, purity, knowledge and arts has been so marginalized in popular consciousness that her worship has been confined to select few communities and is treated as a low key affair. In North India in particular, very few families even remember the special day dedicated to her worship. I don't ever remember TV channels devoting even 5 minutes to Saraswati Puja day even though Lakshmi and Durga Puja are given extensive coverage for days on end.

This change warns us of the deep cultural and civilizational crisis we are collectively responsible for. The tradition of worshiping Mahalakshmi, Maha Saraswati and Mahakali together reminds us that earning wealth and bringing material prosperity for one's family can be considered a sacred duty of every householder only as long as money is earned through honest and just means. Furthermore, that wealth must not be directed only towards self consumption but used for promoting knowledge, beauty, arts and the finest cultural values in society. The joint worship also reminds us that wealth earned through dishonest, corrupt means or through evil acts may bring material comforts but cannot bring happiness and peace.

Those who have severed their connection with Ma Saraswati will have no compunction in selling adulterated foods, spurious medicines and other harmful products or looting the public exchequer. Those who see earning wealth as an end in itself may think nothing of pouring poisonous effluents from their industries into our holy rivers. They may succeed in amassing huge wealth but they forget that if their children have internalized the sanskar that money is all that matters, no matter how foul the means through which it is acquired, they are likely to witness their children fight each other to doom and destruction over property. Such children will not even hesitate to cheat their parents of their wealth or turn their backs on their siblings or parents once they have lost money.

Those who earn money through foul means are far more likely to spend it in foul ways. Money earned through honest hard work is not likely to be blown up in drugs, decadent lifestyle or prostitution. A home where Ma Saraswati reigns supreme is unlikely to produce daughters who get seduced by luxurious lifestyles into becoming call girls nor are sons of such families likely to turn rapists or wife beaters.

Those who earn money through honest hard work are not likely to celebrate Diwali by getting so drunk that they become a nuisance for their family or blow up thousands of rupees in firecrackers that produce deafening sound and fill the air with poisonous fumes. People who have lost connection with Ma Saraswati are the only ones who are unmindful of the fact that the Goddess, no matter what her avatar, does not like ugly noises and uncouth behavior.

Many people find it odd that on the auspicious day of Diwali after Lakshmi puja, it is customary for people to play cards -flush and rummy in particular--and gamble money. The tradition of gambling on Diwali has a legend behind it. It is believed that on this day, goddess Parvati played dice with her husband Lord Shiva and she decreed that whosoever gambled on Diwali night would prosper throughout the ensuing year. I like it that our gods and goddesses are not goody goody and enjoy naughty things like gambling, smoking ganja and playing pranks.

In my view, the tradition of gambling on Diwali night is a necessary counterbalance to the excessive worship of the goddess of wealth on that day. This ritual may well be meant as a reminder that Lakshmi is intrinsically "chanchal". She does not like to stay in one place or remain locked up. Those who get unduly attached to her can never find peace. She comes and goes at her will. Therefore, it is best to treat her casually and avoid grieving when she departs.

Most important of all, life itself is a Big Gamble. In this gamble, who wins and who loses is of far less consequence than the ability to play the game with all one's heart and conviction. The wealthy often labour under the illusion that their material success is a product of their greater intelligence. No one knows it better than a gambler that the coming and going of money is mostly a matter of luck.

I am by no means recommending that we all become gamblers. I have never gambled for money in my life, nor do I know to play big time card games. But I have certainly practiced the art of treating each day of my life as a gamble; take big and small risks as a routine matter without a thought. As far as money is concerned, my mother would often tell me, "Even if you don't worship Lakshmi, you should at least not be disrespectful towards her." As a child if I dropped money on the street, I would not bend to pick it up with the naive thought that somebody needier will find it. I would lose a good part of my pocket money because I would carelessly slip the notes in this or that copybook, never to find them again.

Even after I grew up, I never keep count of how much money I am carrying in my wallet so that when I lose it I will not know what to grieve for simply because I don't have a count of how much I lost. Even at home, I have no count of things I possess so that if certain things disappear I am not likely to notice unless they are items of daily use. There was a time when one of my office peons with whom I kept my cheque book and passbook kept withdrawing a good part of my modest lecturer's salary from my bank account by forging my signatures without my realizing that money was missing--all because I never look at my passbook. This 9th class fail boy had learnt to forge my signatures so well that even I would have cleared cheques signed by him. He was caught not by me but by a vigilant bank clerk because one day he played over smart and tried to withdraw my entire salary using not a "self" cheque but using the name of one of my female colleagues on a bearer cheque.

My mother used to laugh at my habit of losing things by saying: "You are lucky your hands, arms, nose, ears etc. are firmly stuck to your body. Otherwise, one day you would come back without an ear, another day without an arm and so on." I wonder why she never scolded me even when I lost her expensive shawls or gold jewelry.

Goddess Lakshmi has been kinder to me than I deserve and over the years I have learnt not to disrespect money. But Ma Saraswati has blessed me by keeping my attachment to material goods very low. She taught me to live by a simple motto: what is destined to be mine will not be stolen or taken away from me. What is not destined to stay with me is bound to go no matter how careful I am in protecting it. This is as true for my attachment to people as to things.

But there is one attachment I cannot get over or even bring down to manageable levels-that is my attachment to my mother. This is the 13th Diwali I have to bear without her. I wish on this day I could be so far away from India that there is no one to remind me of this festival. I light a lamp in her memory every single day. I miss her with every breath I take. But the pain of her loss on Diwali day is especially unbearable. Nothing in the world can fill the vacuum she left. No place can feel like home where she is not present. I may not have the heart to celebrate Diwali but I make it a point to do a quiet puja to honour her memory. How I wish I had tape recorded the aarti she sang in her uniquely peaceful divine voice.

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An abridged version of this piece was originally published in Hindi in Dainik Bhaskar on October 26, 2011.




Saturday 18 October 2014

Tips on Stress Management

A Psychologist walked around a room while teaching Stress Management to an audience.
As she raised a glass of water everyone expected they'd be asked the "Half empty or Half full" question.
Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired:
"How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm.
If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed.
In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change,
But
The longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.
She continued, "The Stresses and Worries in Life ,are like that Glass of Water...
Think about them for a while and nothing happens.
Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt.
And
If you think about them all day long,
you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

So.. Remember to put the Glass Down






Friday 17 October 2014

Love Jehad –Real Threat or Phobic Fantasy?

Who is Afraid of Hindu-Muslim Couples?

One of the most unfortunate tendencies in India’s political discourse is to reduce every issue into a “for” versus “against” proposition following the pattern of school-college debating society’s style of engagement with issues.  This propensity for polarizing all issues into two extreme positions an important reason why almost every issue leads to a permanent stalemate and we rarely move towards solutions..

“Love-Jehad” has come to be one of the latest additions to a meaninglessly polarized debate on a sensitive issue.  On the one hand Love-Jehad has been portrayed by Hindutva groups as a sinister and well planned conspiracy to seduce, abduct, blackmail or coerce young Hindu women to convert to Islam under the guise of love affairs with Muslim men.  On the other hand, the “secular” opponents of Hindutva are projecting it as a case of “freedom of choice” in marriage.  They castigate the campaign against “Love-Jehad” as a conspiracy of obscurantist Hindu groups to keep the sexuality of Hindu women under the control of Hindu patriarchs.

Let’s try and sift the chaff from the grain of both sides:
To begin with let us be clear, even the radical Hindutva groups do not object to genuine marriages between mutually caring individuals even if they be a case of Hindu-Muslim union.  A good example of this is the marriage of film script writer Salim Khan with a Maharashtrian Hindu woman.  Salim Khan neither eloped with nor abducted his wife.  He secured the family’s consent and did not insist on his wife abandoning her faith and family culture.  Both the husband and wife not only follow their respective faiths but also fully respect each other’s religious sensibilities and rituals.  In their bedroom the wife has her puja sthal replete with Hindu deities while Salim Khan has a dedicated space for his namaz.  The entire family celebrates both Hindu as well as Muslim festivals.  Their sons have also gone for inter-faith marriages and follow the same inclusive lifestyle.  Therefore, these marriages have neither evoked social disapproval nor invited any hostility among Hindus.  If anything Salim Khan’s family is often held up as an example of inter-faith harmony.  However, Muslim fundamentalists do look upon Salim Khan’s life style with hostility

Moral of the story: When the two families join together in celebrating a Hindu-Muslim union and when there is no coercive conversion, none in Hindu society have problems with it.  

However, the angst about “love jehad” is to do with surreptitious marriages, often under false pretext or with hidden agenda of forcing Hindu women into the Islamic fold as concubines or sex slaves. 

There is no denying that some families are hostile even when the love affair between a Hindu girl and Muslim man is genuine, especially if the couple elopes without even informing their parents thus causing great deal of social humiliation.  Marriage by elopement is uniformly looked down upon by all communities even when it is not inter-religious.  This is because in most close knit traditional societies (word “tradition” not to be mistaken for “backward” or “obscurantist – but simply meaning societies that values their social and cultural heritage) marriage is not treated as a union of two individuals but a coming together of two families.  This occasion is not only considered sacred almost all over the world but also considered incomplete without the blessings of the family elders and joint celebration by members of the two families.  The idea of inviting relatives and friends of witness the occasion is to drive home the message, that marriage is a social bond, it’s not just a license to establish sex relations between a couple. Hindu marriage vows in fact include taking responsibility for each other’s families.

My experience tells me that in most cases where the man genuinely cares for the woman, he would not like to break her bonds with her family.  The couple would do their best to win over the confidence of the woman’s parents and vice versa.  A marriage has a far better chance of surviving with dignity if the two families respect each other and act as glue between the couple.  Those who treat marriage as a liaison between just two individuals are living a Hollywood fantasy.

But “Love-jehad” has very little to do with “love”.  It is more a trap than a romantic liaison.  That is why it is causing upset not just among Hindus but also among Sikhs and Christians. It’s causing angst not just in various states of India but also in other countries.

 For instance, the Commission for Social Harmony and Vigilance of the Kerala Catholics Bishops Conference also published a report highlighting the criminal conduct of love jehadists. It said, “There were 2868 female victims of “love jehad” in Kerala from 2006 to 2009.” The situation must have been grave enough if the then chief minister of Kerala, VS Achuthanandan, belonging to the Communist Party Marxist alleged conversion of non-Muslim girls to Islam under pretext of love marriage as part of an effort to make Kerala a Muslim majority state.  The Kerala state police inquiry into this phenomenon concluded that “there are reasons to suspect “concentrated attempts” to persuade girls to convert to Islam after they fall in love with Muslim boys. Since the demographic profile in certain districts of Kerala, Bengal etc has changed dramatically in recent decades, it lends credence to this charge.

The matter went right up to the Kerala High Court.  On December 10, 2009, Justice Sankaran ruled that there were indications of forceful conversion under the garb of love in the state with the blessings of certain political outfits.  He asked the government to consider enacting a law to prohibit such “deceptive” acts.  There are similar, reports coming from certain districts of Bengal, Karnataka, Uttar Pradesh and Bihar. This is happening on mass scale in a much more sinister form in Bangladesh and Pakistan where young Hindu and Sikh women are brazenly abducted with full support of the state authorities.  These forced conversions are an important reason why the population of Hindus has sunk dramatically in both these countries.

The Akal Takht, the highest temporal seat of Sikhism, has taken a serious view of reports that Sikh girls in England and America are falling victim to 'love jihad' by Pakistani youth seducing non-Muslim girls for converting them to Islam and using them in jihadi activities. Some of these girls were later dumped by their husbands in Pakistan, where the in-laws have been using them as domestic slaves.

This phenomenon is not limited to Hindu and Sikh girls or Indian Christians. According to a report by June Thomas, culture critic of Slate and editor of Outward, between 1997 and 2013, a small the northern English town of Rotherham at least 1,400 girls, some not even teenagers, were groomed for sexual exploitation by Pakistani men. The findings of an independent inquiry into child sexual exploitation in Rotherham declared that they were raped by multiple predators, trafficked to other towns and cities in the north of England, abducted, beaten, and intimidated. There were examples of girls who had been doused in petrol and threatened with being set alight, threatened with guns, made to witness brutally violent rapes and threatened that they would be next if they told anyone.  The scope of the abuse: 1,400 children represent 0.5 percent of Rotherham’s population.

It is noteworthy that most of the victims were white and most of the predators were from what is known in Britain as “the Pakistani-heritage community.” British Home Secretary Theresa May told Parliament that “institutionalized political correctness” contributed to authorities turning a blind eye.

The Indian government is similarly turning a blind eye to this menace out of fear of being dubbed anti-Muslim.  However, in order to get this issue due attention, it needs to be freed from the clutches of rabble rousers claiming to speak on behalf of Hindutva. The fact that hysteria mongers like Yogi Adityanath and rabble rousing outfits like Bajrang Dal are leading this campaign robs it of serious credibility.  Secularists dismiss the issue alleging that this is the outcome of phobic fantasies by Hindu groups who exaggerate stray cases of Hindu-Muslim marriages to project them as a tsunami of conversions. 

This arrogant dismissal only adds fuel to fire.  Let us not forget that the 2013 Muzaffarnagar riots in UP were triggered by a Jat Hindu girl being sexually harassed and pestered over time by some Muslim young men. In this case, she was resisting being trapped. But there are many who do fall for seduction. Had the Muzaffarnagar harassment case been a solitary one, Jats would not have reacted with such fury. 

Even if the total number of trapped girls run into a few thousand, we need to view the figures in the perspective of other atrocities against women.  For instance, a few hundred cases of bride burning every year in certain parts of India led to such widespread outrage all over the country that a spate of extremely stringent laws had to be enacted to put them down.  Similarly, a few well publicized brutal rapes were enough to get people so agitated that a draconian new law was passed with lightening speed to assure people that the government was serious about protecting women from predators.  Therefore, even if “love-jehad” has resulted in a few thousand Hindu, Sikh or Christian women being trapped into conversion to Islam through foul means, especially if they have ended up as sex slaves – the phenomenon deserves serious attention.

Unfortunately, in India issues relating to women get to be taken seriously only if left oriented feminist NGO’s backed by powerful foreign funding agencies choose to project them.  These NGOs have come to dominate social and political discourse in media to such an extent that unless they endorse an issue, it is considered illegitimate.  Thanks to the persistent demonization of BJP and allied outfits, any issue that is taken up by Hindutva groups, is automatically dismissed with disdain by these powerful NGOs as well as the Congress party and its leftist allies.

This is exactly where the role of non-partisan social scientists and media professionals becomes crucial. We need to rise above left-right divide to investigate this menace with thorough precision.

Only then we will know the real extent of the threat—whether it is real or phobic.  An essential prerequisite for coming to a resolution of contentious issues is the ability to sift grain from chaff, the ability to distinguish between the legitimate grievances of any group or individual and their illegitimate fears.  Its only when you are able to redress the legitimate complaints that you acquire the moral right to put your foot down against illegitimate assertions and phobic fantasies. 


A shorter version of this article was published in The Indian Express on 17th October, 2014  http://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/a-real-threat-a-phobic-fantasy/




Madhu Kishwar

Madhu Kishwar
इक उम्र असर होने तक… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …اک عمر اثر ہونے تک